Backyard Baywatch

I am a very upfront person. I am also pretty in tune with myself. I know my strengths, and I definitely know my weaknesses.  When I was in high school I attempted to plant a few flowers for my parents in the backyard. After a few vicious spider and worm attacks, I surrendered, leaving them a note saying, “I learned today that I don’t do gardening,” and they still talk about it today. I believe on one of our first dates, I told my now Hubby that I don’t like yard work. Why? Because I don’t beat around the bush (pun intended). Men think women are so complicated and confusing because we don’t say what we really mean, or some crap like that, well not all of us. I DON’T DO YARD WORK.  This was an agreed upon clause when we bought a house a few years later, because I would have taken a condo if it meant no yard work, but the Hubbs was SOOOO excited to get out there and weed-wack things, so we got a sizable yard. I’m not mad about it, I love our yard, but I stand my ground, and nothing has changed about my inner-chemistry. I don’t do yard work. 

So until now, he has abided by this rule and the overall natural order of things has been peaceful. I’ve redone, and continue to redo, the inside of the home, and he has tackled the grass, flower beds, and played around a lot with a chainsaw.  Recently, however, one too many acorns must have hit him on the head…

We got a sprinkler quote and it was way too high, so instead he bought lots of sprinklers and hoses and rigged up his own system. The well pump is in the very back corner of the yard, and there is ONE timer on it for one of the two switches that he uses on many sprinklers between the front and back yards. He seeded the yard a few weeks ago so he’s been obsessing over watering it. These past two weeks he has asked me (conveniently over text, after leaving for work) to go out back and turn one sprinkler off, turn the other one on, and set the timer. 

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OK. Sounds easy. Sounds fairly clean. Definitely Bug-Free….However, he has the sprinklers on RIGHT in the middle of the yard that you have to walk through, no sorry, dip duck and dodge through, to get to the well pump in the back corner of the yard. Now I’m seeing why he bought me a raincoat for my birthday two weeks ago…

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You won’t get wet he says…..

    1. Putting my new light blue raincoat on, I ran through two sprinklers going opposite directions –like a boss– and made it to the pump all smug. I turned them off, laughed in their general direction, and flipped the switch for the other unknown sprinklers. That bastard turns on RIGHT behind me, and before I can finish setting the timer, it is spraying my back. Needless to say, I sent him an angry text, he laughed (as I hope you are now) at my expense, and I put an end to this sprinkler nonsense…IMG_3561
    2. The next week..more acorns hit I guess because as I am drinking my coffee I get this:
      IMG_3556It was a similar story as the first time, but a little less running since they went on in the front… Just walking through wet soggy grass and having to change my pants, because my workout clothes happened to get wet and I didn’t want soggy barre socks, thank you very much!
    3. TODAY the crazy sprinkler man strikes again…At this point words are not enough for me to express my emotions so I resort to images…
      IMG_EFCE6B6F27DB-1OK so now I’m really annoyed. The back sprinklers are on again, and I’ve gotta dip duck and dodge this sucker that spans the entire yard. I have to get across the thing to turn them off, and if I walk (as my hunny suggested I could do) I’d get hit for sure. So, I don my raincoat, throw on some flip flops, and face the watery beast head on. I timed it right so that as it’s just turning right, I dart left. You know how in Baywatch when the hot lifeguard is running in the wet sand she looks all sexy and determined? Well this was NOTHING like that. My feet were literally sinking into the ground in mud up to my ankles, as I fling up chunks of mud all over my legs, my butt, and my new coat. I’m cursing his name and scampering towards the shed just fuming. The mud went all the way up to the hood of my coat. Needless to say this was the last time I will EVER be doing these sprinkler duties! ..And I mean it this time!IMG_3557

 

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