There’s something huge to be said about a moment of complete silence. No sounds, no thoughts, no people buzzing around you. These moments are very hard to find just days before your wedding. These are the days where everyone is contacting you for final details that you already discussed with them and finalized 5 months ago… Things that have been checked off are now having to be unchecked due to last minute changes, and oopsies, and misunderstandings, and “Oh I forgot’s”. More than ever, this is the time to breathe, and find some peace and quiet. I have had the urge to take my phone and throw it in the creek behind our home multiple times just to make the emails, texts, and calls stop. I have not yet made the plunge though, because I have forced myself to find some quiet time in each day, where no one else can reach me. ((Well, other than my niece, because she can face-time me anytime, any day, and I will instantly feel better!))
I have learned a lot as a bride planning a wedding, but most importantly, I’ve learned that I will never ever ever do this again, so this marriage is going to last! You can’t understand it until you’ve been through it. I am one of the most organized people I know (probably a little OCD honestly), so I thought wedding planning was going to be a breeze. Within two months of our engagement I had the photographer, the dress, the florist, the venue, the hair salon, and the motif figured out. Not soon after we had the band and hotel picked, felt good, and took a break. We even bought a house and renovated the entire thing. Easy Peasy, we’ve got this. Except then you have 13 more months of waiting and planning and thinking and changing and opinions and then some added opinions. A lot of tiny details come up, because you have so much time to think about things, and it turns into something else entirely. Not a bad something else, by any means, but something so much bigger than you and your groom, that you can’t possibly do it all on your own.
You will have to really fight to remember the point of the day. It’s about you two, not everyone else. People will continuously tell you that you have to make decisions with everyone else in mind, and “do it for them” but please remember, YOU are getting married. JUST YOU and your GROOM. That is HUGE. You are promising to love each other forever, to get through the hard times and come out stronger on the other side, TOGETHER. Just you two. So while you are throwing a series of parties for all your loved ones, that first hour of the big day, is about God throwing a party that you two chose to become ONE in His Kingdom. That is really cool. NO ONE can take that away from you, or tell you how to do it. No one can jump up on the altar and try to get in the middle of you. It’s just you. ((Well, unless my niece wants to join us, because we would welcome that.))
Let that sink in for a moment.
Now, here are some important tips for survival during your “Bridal Reign”:
- Find your quiet place, and visit it often. Preferably somewhere you can go and walk around or get exercise, and not a doughnut shop. Don’t bring your phone, planner, or anything else that will take your mind to a different place than where you are. Just be present, breathe deeply, and don’t think.
- Repeat after me, “Whatever you think works for me, I don’t mind either way.” The more you answer this to people the more you start believing it yourself, and the less tiny decisions you have to make. The less crazy expectations you will have on your big day, and the less you care if things don’t work out the way they were planned! Because they won’t–nine times out of ten (I am not even married yet, and I already know this will happen). Trust me, there’s enough decisions you will make for yourself, you don’t have to be involved in everything else or fight people about silly little details.
- Delegate..take on a few projects that really matter to you, and let everyone else have something to do. ESPECIALLY your groom. Give him as many tasks as you believe he can handle without having to ask your opinion every other minute. This is the perfect time to demonstrate your trust in him and let him be a man! He will come through. And if he does ask your opinion, I refer you back to my second bullet point as your answer…
- Wine is good, wine is your friend, but too much wine will make you whine. So be very careful who you guzzle wine around. Your best girlfriends who already know the crazy drama of your wedding and all the many people involved, are the perfect partners in crime for drunken wine whining. Save it for them.
- Be excited for your bachelorette party. This is going to be the best part of your pre-wedding celebrations because you can let loose and be yourself with no judgment whatsoever, or people telling you what to do and how you’re supposed to open your presents. But girl, if you want to use some scissors, HAVE AT IT! You do you….as much as you’re “allowed” to.
- Go on a shopping spree for your honeymoon. You deserve it after allllllllll you’ve done in the past (insert # of engagement days here) days. Plus, you’ve probably been working your butt off (literally), and this is the best you will EVER look again so get that bikini and dress thing with the sides missing, and don’t look back!
- Thank your groom everyday for putting up with you, apologize for your venting (you’re gonna do it), and then remember at the end of the day that it is all about you two. He might seem calm on the outside, especially if he’s one of those annoying “everything is gonna be fine” guys, but he’s about to marry you, therefore if you are stressed, so is he. Be a team. Vent together, eat brownies with frosting on the couch together–always do what you gotta do, together. You are on the same side here!!!
- Finally—6 months of engagement or less. Not a day longer.
Photo Credit: Dustin Lewis Images